Rematch
by evercanada
Summary: Violet Mellark and Finn Odair have a quick fling before they are both expected back in 12 for Haymitch's birthday. Neither can seem to shake the need to keep it secretly going until Violet is faced with a second suitor in the form of her best friend, Therron Hawthorne.
1. Chapter 1

I watch the last lights of the Capitol skyline die away as we enter the tunnel through the mountains. We stopped to drop off and pick up passengers on our way to Twelve. I have a feeling more we picked up more than we left off. And more will surely be hitching a ride to this event.

Outside my small room window it's pitch black. As bright as the lights are in my room I can't tell if the darkness outside is night or still tunnel. Either way it's late and I should get a good night's sleep before I arrive home.

I tie my hair back so it will be quicker to brush in the morning. Or not brush at all. I'm not one for dressing up. It takes me all of ten minutes from the time I get up to be dressed, washed and out the door most mornings.

Just as I reach for the light there's a knock at the door. I'm a little wary to open it. My father made me accept his offer of paying for a private room on the train so that I wouldn't be bothered by the other passengers. As far as know the other occupants of the train have no clue I am aboard, just some of the train workers. Of course, word does travel fast and if one happened to mention to another that Violet Mellark was on board it wouldn't take long for the whispers to reach the entire length of the train.

Another knock. This time with a voice. "Message for Room 102."

Judging by the brazen voice at the door this is going to require a face to face meeting. When I open the door the man in front of me is all smiles. "Ms. Mellark, I presume? It's a pleasure. Sorry to disturb you at such at late hour but I have an urgent message."

He looks at though he's been blasted out of a Capitol fashion cannon. From head to toe he screams _Look at me._ Silver streaks run through his dark hair. Painted around his eyes are greens that fade into blues, resembling the feathers of a peacock. His tanned skin glows even more with the glitter decorating his cheeks. His lips shimmer from an emerald green lipstick. It was a mistake opening the door. I should have pretended to be fast asleep. I glare at him. "It is extremely late, not to mention very inconvenient. I'm sure it could have waited until the morning."

He shakes his head. "I'm afraid not. It's from your mother and father…"

"Oh?"

"They asked me personally to make sure you arrived in 12 safely. They hate having you travel alone, especially overnight, and I told them I would make certain you were fine," he says.

Unimpressed, I fold my arms. "Well as you can see, nothing eventful has happened. Thank you for your concern. Now if you wouldn't mind, I was just about to go to sleep-"

He takes an uninvited step into the doorway tainting the air with his Capitol cologne. "Mind if I check your room? You'd be surprised at how invading some people can be. I once found a camera in a shower. I wouldn't feel right reporting back to your parents without checking." His face exudes concern.

"If you insist," I huff not hiding an ounce of annoyance.

He takes off his black scarf and grey jacket revealing a thin light green shirt tucked into his pants. Not much of a disguise. There is very little chance he was able to sneak onto the train without getting noticed. He throws them carelessly on my bed before I can stop him. Then proceeds to make a show of investigating the bathroom. Pointing out all the places a camera could be hidden.

Playing up the concerned role he asks me if I've used the shower yet. "Not that it's any of your business, but no I haven't."

"Good," he says as he leaves me to inspect the dressing room. Against my better judgment I follow him.

After giving it a good once over, he's content with finding nothing suspicious there either. Though he tried to convince me it was safer to change under the covers of the bed the next time I get dressed. Never can be too paranoid apparently.

Try as he does, nothing turns up under, around or over my bed either. The only thing about to make an appearance in this room is my impatience. "So you're satisfied then? You'll let my parents know there's nothing to worry about?"

He arches an eyebrow at me. "I don't know if satisfied is the right word… You aren't out of the woods yet. In fact, I'm not sure if you're really aware of the dangers of … Well, you're a young, attractive woman. All alone. Far from home. No one to protect you. What if the train derails? What if someone tries to break in? Worse yet, what if you get cold?"

Oh, the horror. "I'm actually feeling a little warm," I correct him.

He gives me a long look, up and down. By the time his gaze reaches back up to my face I find my heart rate has double. My safety is clearly the farthest thing from his mind. "You do look a little… flushed. Let me see if you have a fever."

My feet are numb, frozen to the ground as he approaches me. Both of his hands lightly cup my cheeks. Silly me, he's just testing my skin temperature. Then he kisses my forehead softly. It's gentle and tender, and only warms me up further.

His thumb runs along my jaw line to my chin. There he tilts my head upwards, forcing me to look directly into his green eyes, now darkened with a hunger. I think he's going to speak next, since I seemed to have lost the ability. Instead kisses follow on each of my cheeks, my eyelids, my lips. After a light nip on my bottom lip he asks, "Sure you're not made of ice?" Must be referring to my lack of a response.

My thoughts are hazy. I have reason to believe it's in part due to his intoxicating smell. And just his natural heat radiating off of him. He's so close that if I were made of ice I surely would have melted by now. My resolve not to give in to his flirtation has definitely been softened. I want to kiss him back. But not before he does one more thing for me.

I swallow and take my time finding the words I need to say before I accidentally forget and give in too quickly. "Before you find out what I'm made of, you really need to wash that gunk off of you."

His eyes light up, amused. "I thought you liked it. It looks quite nice on you already."

I rear my head away from his hands rubbing off the spots where he kissed me. I am not amused.

His arms find me again and he attempts to attack me again with kisses. A few land and I yell at him each time. Our struggle doesn't last long. With one strong arm he drags me into the bathroom and positions me in front of the shower.

"Don't even think about it," I warn him. I'm wearing one of my nicer sets of pajamas, a present from Effie. She would die if I let the satin garment get ruined in a shower.

"If only you could read my thoughts." One by one, pieces of his clothing find their way to the floor. He pauses at his black underwear and smirks at me. My jaw has lost all feeling and I no longer have the ability to close it. "Quite the improvement, wouldn't you say?" He lets go of his underwear and rubs his hand across his bare chest. It's been removed of all hair since the last time I saw it. "Smooth as silk. You can touch it if you don't believe me."

I will. After he looks more like himself. I point to the shower. "Just clean yourself up and then we'll talk about touching."

With a sigh he gives in. Slowly, at a pace that sends currents straight to my toes, his hand descends down to the hem of his underwear. With his eyes locked on mine he pulls them down to the floor, steps out of them and hands them to me. "These are worth a pretty penny in the Capitol."

"Great, so this hasn't been a wasted opportunity." I take the precious article of clothing and tuck them under my arm.

He smiles, wetting his bottom lip with his tongue. I hold myself back from crashing my lips into his. They're just too green, too fake, too… Capitol.

"Well, I'm not exactly giving them to you for free. Everything costs these days, Ms. Mellark. And one of us is a little overdressed."

"Wash off that stupid makeup then and we'll be even."

His expression changes. Have I gone too far insulting by his fashion choices? His jaw clenches, then releases. "Violet, either you get those clothes off now or I'm going to make certain you're soaking wet in more than one area on your body," he growls.

Game's over.

_~ Changed a few ages, will add a few characters, could use help writing good lemons if anyone wants to volunteer ;)_


	2. Chapter 2

"We should get dressed."

I hear the heavy sigh. The sigh that he already knows any fight he puts up is futile. "Why? Are you afraid of being caught naked? Or just caught with me?" he says dryly.

Both would scar me for the rest of my life. "Just you. I have a reputation to uphold." I squirm out from under the weight of him against my back. A chill runs over my skin where his sweat was keeping me warm.

"So do I. Do you have any idea how difficult it was to disappoint all those lovely ladies in the Capitol night after night?" An empty threat. He's only been there for three days and having similar trust issues as myself he's not one to jump into bed with just anyone. With the exception of the last week.

"By not having sex with them? You did them a favor Odair, imagine their disappointment if you did," I say heading into the bathroom to retrieve my pajamas.

Despite my insult he welcomes me back under the covers. "You didn't _sound_ disappointed a few minutes ago."

I snuggle back into my warm spot on my stomach, my head resting on his arm. He finds his place as well, one leg between mine, his bare chest pressed up against my clothed back. "You're not getting dressed?"

"Perfectly warm and satisfied over here. Unlike someone who just can't get comfortable." Sure, what's uncomfortable about finally crossing that boundary with your oldest friend? We've only been friends since I was five and he was seven. No shame in crossing that unspoken line less than a week ago.

I stop adjusting myself underneath the covers to appease him. A hand glides under my shirt, resting on my stomach, nestling down for the night. I don't mind sleeping this way. It's much harder to fall asleep facing him.

"This is the last time you know."

"You smell as sweet as honeysuckle, or is that me?"

"Finn, please take this seriously. I thought we were done when you left for the Capitol."

"Are you implying I coerced you into bed last night?" Not to mention the shower.

"We need to agree that this will not happen again." I was under the impression the likelihood of us falling into bed again was at a zero when he left. We both agreed we make better friends and neither of us wants to lose our friendship. What's done was done but we have to be adults about it now.

Then he shows up at my door putting on the same act that got us into trouble in the first place. After he leaves Twelve it's going to be a long time before we see each other again. It will go back to normal. Phone calls and the occasional letter. But I need a little confirmation that we're on the same page.

"How about this? You don't take your clothes off in front of me and I won't make you come so many times you lose count?"

"You made me!" I scoff.

I feel his nude body shamelessly wrap itself tighter around me. "Yes. Yes, I did, didn't I?" He savors saying every single word.

* * *

He takes an eternity in the shower. I should have taken his offer of going first. Instead I'm stuck waiting for the world's most vain man to leave my bathroom. "I'll hire Rowan to follow you with a mirror if you hurry up," I shout into the door.

"Have you seen my underwear?" He shouts back.

Maybe. Maybe not. It doesn't matter. It's definitely my turn. "You can borrow a pair of mine for all I care, Finn. I need to shower."

Ten minutes later I get my hot shower. Five more minutes and I'm dressed, packed and ready to go while he's still searching the room. "Were they your special pair or something?"

"I told you, Violet, people are obsessed with those things. And why are you so calm? Someone's going to find them in here and put two and two together." I'm pretty confident if they do it won't be because of a stray pair of underwear.

"Because you were so stealth in your peacock getup last night?"

"It was for work. And I blend in just fine with everyone else in the Capitol." I shouldn't keep teasing him about it. It's not like he enjoys the makeup and clothes. Being a model in the Capitol pays well. Inheriting your mother's dark hair and your father's insane good looks pays extra well.

I guiltily search along with him until we receive our last warning to depart the train. We are unsuccessful and have no choice but to leave empty handed. We flip a coin to see who will have to leave first.

Finn tells me I owe him one when he leaves, facing the first round of onlookers. I put my picture taking smile on a few minutes later. It won't be so bad for me. Everyone in Twelve knows me. But I know Twelve will be growing in size for the next few days. It's a Victor's birthday. A National event. And not just anyone's birthday. My neighbor and adopted grandfather, Haymitch Abernathy.

* * *

It's worse than I thought. We are delivered through the flashing lights of the cameras and have to weave through tourists jamming up the roads in separate cars. Less lights and eyes are following me of course. I'm not the golden child of Annie and Finnick Odair. I'm just the second choice for those who were too slow to get a good shot of him.

There's a barricade set up at the road leading to the Victor's Village. Two guards make me exit my vehicle and walk the rest of the way to my house.

The white marble mansion seems to be filled to the rafters with visitors. I see people filing by the windows normally still as a painting. Talking and laughter grow louder the closer I get. Exactly the opposite of what Haymitch requested for his 60th birthday. He only has to tolerate it for two days. Today we'll prepare and tomorrow we'll celebrate. Then District Twelve will go back to its roots. Everyone will go back to work. Back to routine and reality where people don't care who your parents are.

I loop around the house to see if there are less people in the kitchen but quickly realize I'm outnumbered no matter what. I could make a run for it. Hide in my father's house which he uses solely for painting and storage. I'm not feeling up to awkward conversations for two straight days. Constant questioning. _Are you seeing anyone? How does it feel being eighteen now? What are your plans for the future? You look just like your mother!_

That's my favorite comment. I don't look like her. I have her long, black hair and some facial features but that's about it. She's thin, I'm curvy, or _healthy_ as my parents like to say. She has mysterious grey eyes, I have round, wide open blue eyes. She walks with a strength of a thousand soldiers. I'm standing nervously outside my own home racking my brain on how I can avoid inevitable social interactions.

I'm lost in my own thoughts. Which is why I jump when I hear his voice. "Not planning on burning the house down are you?"

I grin mischievously. "Not without my partner in crime."

The brown haired man with his hands in his pockets returns my smile. I welcome the sight of man wearing a simple plaid shirt and hunting pants. Though I'll have to remind him to change before Effie uses him as an example of what not to wear at Haymitch's party. I'm a little jealous he's already been in the woods without me. "I saw you from the window. Looking like you were hatching some sort of plan."

"To escape. No carnage needed."

"Good luck with that one. Actually your mother sent me outside to see if you were here yet. Finn said you were right behind him..."

My heart catches in my throat. I nod, shocked at myself for reacting that way to hearing his voice. Of course he left first. Why wouldn't he be here first? I thought he might check into the hotel but he's more than welcome to say hello to my family and the other guests.

Feeling a oncoming rush of blood to my cheeks I turn and head towards the nearest door. Therron Hawthorne may be one of my best friends but I'm not ready to fill him on the details of what Finn and I were up to on my visit to Four until Finn is long gone.

Hands are shook. Cheeks are kissed and pinched. I answer the expected questions from so-called friends of Haymitch's. Thank them politely for the comments on my DNA. Avoid Finn and Therron as much as possible. Finn seems amused by this. Therron is annoyed. I didn't call him once while I was away in Four. Usually we're inseparable. He moved to Twelve with his family when we were both fourteen so his parents could give him and his sister a more down to earth childhood. The woods became like a second home to him. We became instant friends. His sister on the other hand... somehow her and Twelve never quite felt their footing together. Kind of like the relationship her and I have.

When I excuse myself to the upstairs bathroom I'm finally able to get a peaceful moment. I let the minutes tick on while I enjoy the only room where I can have solitude until I hear a rasping at the door. "Let me in, quick. It's a matter of life and death."


	3. Chapter 3

I roll my eyes at his dramatics. And always against my better judgment open the door. Blond hair flies by me and slams his back against the door closing it. "They're everywhere Vi. Big ones. Little ones. Fat ones. No skinny ones. Parasites. Leeches. And Effie isn't even here to control them."

It's true. We hardly know a single person that has invaded our home thanks to Effie. She sent out the invitations then guilted my parents into letting them use their house as the greeting point. There was no way Haymitch was going to let her do the kind of reconstruction in his home that she wanted to do to make it presentable. And yet Effie hasn't even made an appearance to wrangle these strangers. Instead my parents have had to play hosts to a party they know goes against Haymitch's wishes.

"So what do you want me to do about?" Has Rowan forgotten I'm the one hiding in the bathroom?

"You manage to clear most rooms with your sparkling personality. I got it! Start handing out your sketches. They'll be so disgusted it'll be a bloodbath to the door."

Thirteen year olds have no appreciation for art. While my father is a skilled painter, I have inherited something from him that I am proud of. I sketch and draw for a living. Well, it's going to be a living. Once I hone my skill just a bit more to be able to display enough work for a proper art show. Or enough to impress Effie so she sponsors one for me. If all else fails, I'll probably just sketch pictures of her like Therron suggested.

Before I can explain how sparkling my personality is, I'm interrupted. "Is the party in here now?"

Rowan sticks his tongue out at me and opens the door just enough to let Finn slide in. He managed to change somewhere. He left me wearing his thin light green shirt. Now he's wearing a maroon shirt, one button carelessly left undone at the top with the same dark pants as last night. I'd guess it was at least two sizes two small being that I can count his abs. If I wanted to that is. "You'd think you would have more respect. Hiding in a bathroom like you're two years old. They're only people, Violet."

People who have no importance in my life. They're here because Effie invited them. They're here to spy on us and run back to wherever they came from with details about us that no one knows about. I'm positive some will even sell a story or two about us. Do I really have to explain myself to Finn?

"Ya, Violet. Why are you being such a hermit?" Rowan pipes up. "I tried to tell her the same thing." He cocks his head and juts out his chin just like Finn is doing right now, copying his righteous stance as if doing the right thing comes as naturally to him. Finn loves it. We've barely seen Finn over the last few years yet Rowan still secretly wishes he could replace me as a sibling with him. I wouldn't be surprised if he would toss our father into the oven for him.

Being in such a confined space with Finn, I'm starting to feel like I'm in an oven. "I was just washing my hands. Who knows what parasites those people have crawling on their hands?" I give Rowan a look as I say this, making him crack a smile. "But I'm ready to go back out and suffer for the greater good. Lead the way, sir."

Finn laughs and ruffles Rowan's hair as he opens the door for us. Rowan skips out the door first. When I try to pass, Finn's arm juts out in front of him stopping me. He leans into me before I can protest. "If you need protection I'll be more than happy to step up." His voice is warm and soft in my ear.

"From a pretty boy like you? I have a better idea. I'm going to increase my odds of surviving this party by putting one of Effie's fashion disasters on. Then I'll blend in too." There's still a touch of his musky cologne in the air.

"You still think I'm pretty?" His breath is so close to my ear now I feel blood rush to that spot where he's knows perfectly well the effect it has on me.

Deep down I know he's just teasing me. We ended it. Clearly. A clean break. The sensations I'm having in my midsection are just aftereffects.

"Haven't you figured out I'm made of ice?" I lean back so I can stare at him coldly.

Mistake number one was looking at his lusting green eyes. Mistake number two was weakly letting him close the door on us. No, mistake number one was giving in to temptation that first time. He's always flirted with me. It's always meant nothing. Completely harmless fun between two friends.

Letting him back me against the sink wasn't a smart move either. "I have ways of warming you up." I mange to reclaim my common sense and turn my head as he tries to start with a kiss.

"Finn, we're in my parents' bathroom not to mention we agreed, no more." I place my hands on his hard chest to stop him from coming any closer. And at the same time try to avert my eyes as much as possible.

"Just one more time? For old time's sake?" I try my best not to notice how his lips curl into a seductive smile. The flip in my stomach tells me that one part of me has noticed.

"Rowan just left! He could be at the door listening to this whole conversation!"

This only entices him to press his whole body against mine holding me at the hips. Centering his hardness where it will warm me up the most. "Then one of us needs to learn to be quieter."

I am not going to be quiet about this. We can't keep playing this game. "I don't care if you rip off my clothes, Finn, this is not happening. My whole family is downstairs, not to mention perfect strangers. I already regret what we did-"

"What?" He chokes back at me. "Why?"

"I don't want our friendship to be ruined over this. We need to stop before one of us gets hurt." Isn't that the obvious reason why?

He looks at me with determination in his eyes. "Nothing is going to happen to our friendship. We mean too much to each other... Think about this, Violet. I'm here for two days and then when are we going to see each other next? It could be years if my schedule picks up. I don't share myself with just anybody, Violet. And neither do you. This is safe. There's no danger in this when it's just me and you. And who knows when we'll get a chance to experience this again. We know we can trust each other, can't we?"

Finn makes a compelling argument. I've only had one boyfriend. He's only had two girlfriends. Each relationship lasted just past the intimate part as we both became too uncomfortable with having someone that close to us. We have to be conscious of our relationships. One wrong move and our families will be thrown into the spotlight. Finn and I have had our differences over the last few years but I would still trust him with my life. He would never betray me.

And it's only for two days. And the need to keep... experiencing is becoming too great to deny.

"So you're not going to fall in love me?"

"With someone who despises my career choice and thinks I've lost my moral center because of it? I'll be fine." He nods towards the mirror. "And we both know I have a face only a mother could love so you're not about to fall in love with me."

"And what exactly do you think we'll be able to do in two days? We're celebrating a great man's birthday and have responsibilities. Do you have any idea how careful we'll have to be? Effie's doubled the population with her invitations. There will be eyes on us everywhere we go."

"Looks like we have a little privacy right now," he says peering around the empty bathroom and settling his eyes back on me. "No time like the present."

He's going to have to plan better than this. No way am I going to succumb to his charms for details I've already explained to him. "If you can find a place where no one is within earshot then you have a deal. Until then I going to be enjoying pointless conversations with pointless people."

* * *

Downstairs my parents finally managed to convince most visitors to go back to their rooms at the hotel. Haymitch isn't coming any time soon and Effie is still a no show. Just my family, Finn and Therron are left.

Rowan dragged Finn up to his room to show him his collection of bones. He only keeps the ones from the woods that looked like they have teeth marks on them. He likes to make up stories about how they died. Nothing unnatural or sordid about that.

My parents both take to the phones to hunt down Effie. I volunteer to clean up the disturbance throughout our house left in the wake of Haymitch's guests. Without offering, Therron is by my side gathering half-drunk glasses and reorganizing the furniture.

We've always been able to count on each other, in different ways than with Finn. Finn and I share an understanding, a common background and past. I passed math class because of Therron. He learned what plants to avoid in the woods because of me. So when he asks if everything's okay, I have to seal my mouth with a steel lock. I have very few secrets from Therron but my situation is going in the lock box for sure.

"Just trying to get my bearings back. I think I got too much sun in 4, and now I have to be _on_ for Haymitch's party. I'll bet you two squirrels he shows up in his birthday suit just to see the look on Effie's face."

I laugh but he doesn't. His grey eyes are unconvinced that I'm fine. "Finn told me-"

"It didn't mean anything!" I blurt out. Except that I will skin him. I will skin him and burn him alive.


	4. Chapter 4

"I know," he says trying to calm the panic I feel coursing through my veins. "It's not like you would have expected spending the next two days like caged animals to conjure up these feelings."

I want to throw up. After I skin Finn alive, burn him alive, and then stab tiny needles in his eyes, while he's alive.

"Are you going having another attack? Should I go get Finn?" The sooner I execute him the better I will probably feel.

Therron sits me down on the sofa. "I'm sorry I said anything, Violet, but I wanted you to know I'm there for you too. You don't have to deal with these panic attacks on your own."

Panic what? "What... ?" I can't even finish the sentence.

"I knew most of it. How you and Finn held each other up when you both had to deal with your parents'... issues. And now with Haymitch's party you're feeling as helpless as when you were younger. Having to be on guard for your parents. With outsiders scattered everywhere. The eye of the Capitol on you. You don't have to deal with this alone... I know Finn is helping but when he's gone, I'll be here for you too."

I try to pretend what I'm hearing isn't for the first time. It makes sense that I would be nervous to being watched and judged and feeling responsible for how this affects my parents... because I am. I just didn't express that to anyone as of yet. It also makes me wonder if Finn made that proposal to me to distract me from possible panic attacks or because he actually meant what he said. It could be his way of 'helping' me by making me pay more attention to what his intentions are with me then dissecting what some visitor's intentions are just by looking at me.

"Thanks... for asking but I'm fine. Finn gave me a lot to think about it already so I'll think I'll breeze through this party," I say. Haymitch on the other hand...

* * *

A herd of elephants would have less of an entrance then Effie Trinket. She was able to arrive by hovercraft granted to her by some Capitol official. Landed right in our front yard in full Capitol fashion. Then dozens of wardrobe cases followed. Therron ducked out after insulting her by asking her if she was just staying for two days or if she was donated clothes to all of Twelve.

Mother gave her the guest room next to mine and let her store her wardrobe in father's house. She wanted to take over my room at first until Finn charmed her into letting him watch over her precious materials. He told her it would help him feel at home with dozens of gowns and jewels around. And she'll get the chance to boast how Finn Odair protected her material wealth from the vagrants of Twelve. It's a win-win.

As we tried to settle her in the living area she brought up the issue of the birthday boy. "He hasn't left his house? Not even to greet one guest?"

"I could go fetch him for you?" Finn speaks up as the rest of us are tired of being sworn at and yelled at over this pointless fact. He'll show up when the liquor is being poured.

Effie flashes a smile at Finn and bats her purple eyelashes at him. "Would you dear? I'd do it myself but there's still so much to be done. The decorations, the food... Peeta, you have my instructions for cake?"

My father leads Effie to the kitchen to explain how the dynamics of fireworks in cake aren't a good idea. My mother rubs her template which I'm sure is the only the beginning. She tries to have patience with Effie. She has been good to our family. We just prefer to enjoy her... kindness in small doses.

"Two days. We can do this."

"She'll be busy being busy," I offer. And being Effie. "And she invited those people. She needs to make sure they're welcome. And we could take turns watching, I mean visiting with her. Rowan could show her his collections, not the dead ones. I could let her..." I swallow. "Give me fashion advice..."

Finn chuckles behind me. "I'll make sure she's well occupied if you run out of things to do. I'll let her go on a rant about my father if needed. That always takes up an hour of her time talking and another hour for her to fix her makeup."

My mother smiles gratefully at us. "What would I do without you? Have I told you how happy I am to have you back? Both of you? Like two peas in a pod again."

Which reminds Finn he has another person to tend to. For protection I tag along. Don't need a stabbing controversy to dampen our spirits. Haymitch still sleeps with a knife and although most people would love to be woken up by Finn, Haymitch isn't one of them.

We can see cameras are already being set up at the edge of the Village as we walk the short distance to his house. Tomorrow the garden areas of the Village will lit up and the dinner party to celebrate Haymitch's party will be in full force and on live television. "All this for a birthday party," I say grumpily. "Or maybe it's been leaked I've been having panic attacks and they want to be ready. I could have an emotional outburst any second now."

Finn chuckles. "News gets around fast in this District. You're not mad about that are you? Therron was wondering what we were doing in the bathroom and it just came to me. Plus he won't ask anymore questions when we have some more alone time." I see the sly arch of his eyebrow he tosses my way as he says this.

I'm not completely certain it's just alone time he's looking for. He's always looked our for my best interest. Offering his home to me as soon as he found out I was wanting to expand my horizons and sketch new scenery. It would be so much easier to go along with as long as he's just using me for some much needed... experience and not going behind my back to control these so called panic attacks.

"I think you might get the raw end of this deal, Odair," I say waving to the cameras. Having them around might actually work in my favor. Finn won't make a move if they're pointed in our direction and I won't have to be so conflicted about our alone time. "Our walk to subdue the birthday boy into coming out is already being filmed. How do you expect to get a single moment alone with me?"

"I believe your exact words were _as long as no one is within earshot_," he says imitating my earlier agreement. "They look to be a couple hundred yards away. I could have my way with you right here and now technically."

This gets my blood pumping a little faster also increasing my walking speed. "You'd have to catch me first."

We both keep increasing our pace to Haymitch's fence until we are laughing and in a full sprint. I can't even remember the last time I raced someone. Probably not since Finn and I were kids.

Finn lets me lead the way after we catch our breath and open the gate. It's hard to pinpoint if he's more afraid of the geese or knocking on our surly neighbor's door.

Because it's me, I just walk right in. "Haymitch?"

"Not today, sweetheart. Go back and tell the evil puppeteer I'm drunk out of my mind and I'll see you tomorrow."

I follow his voice to the kitchen. He's not drunk. He's sitting at the table with a drink in his hand but it appears to only be his first one of the day. And hasn't shaved in forever and is wearing his pajamas but he's sober as he's ever going to be. "Can I at least hide out here for a bit? Pretend I did everything I could to clean you up?"

"What are you looking so happy about? Finally get some action in 4 without mommy and daddy hovering over you?" His eyes laugh as he accuses me of exactly what I did.

As if on cue, Finn steps into view. "I can assure you I did everything in my power to stop her from getting any action while I was there. Now I did have to end my babysitting duty early to attend to some work in the Capitol. Did you find the company of a nice young gentleman when nobody was watching you?" I want to slap that smirk off his face.

I turn my back to Haymitch to glare at him and then join Haymitch at his kitchen table. If you want to call it that. More like the void where all empty drink glasses go to congregate. "Now that you two have had your fun, let's talk about the real reason why I'm so happy. Effie has had the perfect outfit tailored for you. I don't want to ruin the surprise but I can tell you sequins are a key element."

The ice in his drink clatters against the glass as he laughs. "Sounds like pretty boy's outfit not mine. I'd rather show up naked, just as a thank you to Effie for all of her efforts."

Finn pulls up a seat beside me. "If you got paid what I get paid for wearing sequins you'd do it too," he says. "And I do have my limits. But if I look as good as you on my 60th birthday I'll consider giving everyone the full view."

"No one wants to see that, Finn." I say beating out Haymitch making him laugh again and spill a bit of his drink.

"Maybe I should do the deed now that I'm still young and viral," Finn says low enough I don't think Haymitch hears him. Because if he did he would have taken notice at the sudden flush in my cheeks and taken aim at that instead of wiping up his morning drink with his sleeve.


	5. Chapter 5

I find myself racing Finn to my father's house to 'check' on Effie's wardrobe collection after a few too many comments Finn made under his breath at Haymitch's. His strong hand on my thigh under the table didn't help.

Not to mention I have to help him prepare one of the rooms so it will be suitable for him to sleep in. While Effie would have him sleep on the floor I can't be that thoughtless. It will probably take us at least an hour. And that is the story Haymitch will relay to anyone who asks.

First things first, we check to make sure the garments are safe by locking all the doors. Second we find the only room in the house with a bed and throw off the dusty sheets. I run to the closet to grab a new sheet and blanket and throw it to Finn so he can make the bed just as he likes it... for tonight. While he does that I make a quick loop around the house to ensure all windows are locked, curtains are drawn and we can be... well, out of earshot.

"Finn! We're just going to mess it up, you don't really have to make it!" I cry when I find him tucking in the corners of the blanket.

"There's nothing wrong with making love in a neat bed." He continues until each side is straight and fitted.

I tap a hole into the floor until he's done. "Well, now that you've wasted two minutes are you ready to get this over with?"

He turns from his hard work and puts on that crazy smile that hasn't once failed to energize the room. He was right about one thing. I need this. Even though it's been less than twelve hours since the last time I really needed this.

"Now that you've wasted 10 seconds staring at me, are you ready?"

_Yes_ my core is screaming. So why am I not moving? He's the one by the bed. I should be the one jumping on top of him making him fall to the bed. Maybe because right now he's Finn. My friend. Every other time we've pretended. The first time, I was sketching him. I had him pretend he was a surfer, looking out on the ocean like it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. There was no ocean to look at so he just looked at me while I attempted to keep my concentration on my pencil instead of the perfect definition of his arms, legs, chest... He kept up the act the whole night. On the train he was a stranger looking out for my well-being. Now... I don't think I can do this if it's just him and me.

"I...I'm not sure..."

His body sinks down the bed with his disappointment. "Did I ruin the moment by taking too long?"

"No." I wish it was that. One part of me still wants to, badly. I need to explain the other part. "But right now you're...you. The other times I didn't think of you as... _you."_

After a few seconds pondering this, the light goes off in his eyes. "I'm the maid."

Sexy. Exactly what I wanted to hear. "Finn," I groan. It's not as if I can tell him it's not you it's me, it reason really is him.

"Your servant!" He practically leaps to his feet when he says this. "Hired to take care of all of your needs. I make beds, wash dishes, clean clothes, of course I'll have to take them off first..." He smiles cockily at me hoping he's changed my mind.

It was a valiant effort, I'll give him that. "I think last time was... our last time, Finn. I'm sorry."

But he's not backing down. He purses his lips, trying to waver my decision with his eyes. Determined. Strong. Certain of what they want. Like a predator focused on their prey. "Ms. Mellark, you can't cancel this service. If you do... there will be consequences."

"Like what?" I try not to smirk but it happens anyway. He does seem to have a creative mind. Might as well hear him out.

"For starters, I'll have to turn in my uniform." He looks down at his pants sadly. "Oh, well. I'm not that attached." He wastes no time tearing his pants off in front of me.

"And your shirt?" I ask playfully.

"Well, they're not monsters. And I do have my dignity. Oops, I forgot the underwear isn't mine." He's wearing another black pair. Or was. They're lying beside the pants now. "Could I at least make sure the bed is taken care of for you?"

I clear my throat. "It's fine."

"You're right. I did an immaculate job," he says admiring his fine work. "But, and please don't take this the wrong way but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't say something, there's a spot..." He takes a step and points behind me. "On the wall. I can't stand looking at it any longer."

"I can take care of it myself," I state.

"Can I least show you where it is? I'd hate for you to miss that one spot that really needs to be taken care of," he says full of concern.

"I have a pretty good idea of where it is."

"You better hurry. It's getting worse."

His feet travel slowly towards me. He cradles his chin and proceeds to walk in a path around me as if he's scrutinizing my outfit with every step. Like he looks so much better in his tight shirt and... pant-less. "And a little advice, Ms. Mellark. It helps if you take your clothes off. You don't want them to get dirty as well."

Footsteps stop behind me and a warm breath tells me, "I could help... it's usually part of the package anyway."

I close my eyes even though he's not in front of me. Trying to find the will to not react. To leave. To do anything but let him continue this seduction he's starting to perfect with me.

"Ms. Mellark..." he purrs. Every nerve in my body wants to answer him... but I don't. I keep my eyes locked shut even as I feel him in front of me. Even as his hands find my waist. Even as he leads me backwards. Until my back hits the wall and all I can see are his dark eyes demanding to let him take care of that damn spot.

"I know how you feel. It won't let me leave this room without taking care of it either." _Just take care of it already_ I'm thinking. "First things first, let me help you with the proper attire for a job like this."

He touches his forehead to mine as we both look down to where his hands are undoing the top button on my pants. One hand slides in to pull the zipper down. Blood is rushing to my cheeks and to my center. He looks back at me while his whole body bends to guide my pants and underwear off my hips to the floor. Being careful not let me feel anything other than his breath.

Like my will, my legs are weak as he uses them as support to travel back up to where our lips meet. A hand brushes away the hair from my neck leaving it exposed. Lips follow with soft kisses. I shiver with each kiss and lick up and down my neck.

"You still smell like honeysuckle," he says admiring the scent he's breathing in. I'm so enamored by his voice and the way he looks as he's admiring me I don't notice where his hand is until one fingers dips in. I moan pressing my body into him. He soon pulls it out and... raises it to his lips licking it clean. "That taste is addicting, you know."

I'm learning a lot about addiction. Everything he does... the way his soft hands glide along my skin... the nips on my earlobe... the way he holds me firmly against him... the passion behind his kisses... His playful questions when my legs are wrapped around his torso, his hands supporting me up by my bottom, "Let's take care of that spot together, shall we?"

"Yes," I say but I think it just comes out like a long breath of air. Less playful than desperate.


	6. Chapter 6

"We should get dressed."

I blink as he says this. When he placed me on the bed to regain some feeling in my legs, I thought round two was the obvious next step.

I'm not in a rush and he doesn't need to be as well. "If you're worried about time-"

My underwear and pants are casually tossed to me. We only manged to get half undressed before our needs got the better of us. "And I thought I was the insatiable one. It's too close to lunch. You know how your mother loves to keep us fed... and it appears I'm going to have to keep my strength up..."

I get dressed trying not to let my disappointment show that lunch is not what I'm hungry for. As head back I subtly let him know the servant act will be sufficient for the next two days. Can't imagine most women getting tired of a man serving them the way Finn can.

Effie's not impressed when we return. Not surprised that Haymitch will be boarded up in his house today but not impressed. So I take one for the team. My mother and father were apt listeners while Effie didn't pause to take a breath while they prepared lunch. And Finn is the one that gets to enjoy it. I steal a bite of bun to tide me over while I ask Effie for a small favor.

If I were a more apt listener I would know more about hemlines and accessories. If I cared more about fashion and how to leave an impression I would be able to do more than nod and agree with Effie.

"This is the dress for you! You'll have half the male population lining up."

"Uh-huh." I can see how most men would love to see me wear a dress like the one she's holding up. It's a strapless number. Solid red with a slit to show off my well-toned legs from years of running in the woods. I'd guess I'd have about five seconds to run once my father saw me in it.

She squeals in a shrill voice. "So it's decided? You'll wear it to the dance tomorrow?"

I need to break this to her gently. She's looking at me like my answer is the key to her happiness. "It's just... I've been wearing a lot of red lately... and I was hoping, because you are the only one who could make it possible... if you had something in white, to bring the color of my eyes out?" I didn't know if this was a real thing or not but I'm pretty sure I've heard Effie say it a few times. And white seems safe. Not alluring or sending out mating calls I'm not aware of.

"Of course dear! Think about what shade you like. Cream, ivory, vanilla, they should be in the living area... or is the kitchen... snow white, beige, linen, antique..." The list goes on while I search for the case the most resembles the color I use to know just as white.

I manage to convince Effie I have my father's clumsy feet and wear her down to agreeing that the simplest dress she brought is the one for me. It's white, I mean champagne, and has one shoulder strap designed in the shape of a flower. The bottom reaches to my ankles which my father will approve of. Swirls of lace wrap around the skirt. It's as pretty as a flower. And simple enough I won't feel anyone could misinterpret it or disapprove of it.

Finn delivers lunch to Effie and asks to talk to her in private. I notice the pocket full of tissues in his pocket and know he's well stocked for his shift. I take the time to see how my parents are coping and find they've decided to just let Effie be Effie. It's a battle they'll never win. My father left to consult with his assistant at the bakery about how to incorporate the fireworks and my mother is on the phone double-checking the decorations Effie has ordered from various merchants. Lights, flowers, music, tables. I offer to make a few calls but she tells me this one thing she can handle. At least she gets to stay in the house away from the cameras.

So it appears I have a couple of hours with no commitment. Not that I'm committed to what Finn and I are doing I remind myself. If it happens it happens. I have no expectations.

I retreat to my room to organize my sketches from 4 on my bed. I could sort them by theme or by size. There are a variety of beaches and birds. Then I drew a few in color of sunsets. The only ones with people in it are of Finn. I hide these ones at the bottom. A minute later I take out the one where Finn is looking dead center at me.

If he wasn't already a model I would recommend he become one. He has the body, the face, the pose. If I didn't know how tomorrow night was going to end, with him on a train back to the Capitol for more work, this picture might paint a different story. It's not the face of my friend though. The face that knows when I'm sad or happy. Knows when I'm so mad at the world and the past that I could scream. Knows when I just need to disconnect and feel nothing. I haven't seen that face in awhile.

"I guess a picture does say a thousand words. You look like you're reading a book."

I scramble to hide Finn's picture under the stack. "It's all fiction. Braving another encounter with Effie?"

Therron sighs and plops down beside me on my bed, stretching his arms out to my pillow. "I got to thinking. If you have to suffer then I'll have to suffer too. That's what friends are for. But I'm not going to apologize if she can't take a joke again."

I part with my pictures and slide them onto the desk beside my bed. "I'm sure if you spent more time together you and Effie would find an understanding."

"Is the effect of Finn talking here? Where's the panic? The plans of escape for you and your family? I thought I'd be helping you dig a tunnel under the Village by now." He sits up on his elbows and stares at me like I'm a fish that can fly.

"Finn's with Effie. I'm just... waiting out the calm before the storm." I let my hair fall in front of my face to cover the blush that seems to appear every time I say his name. Or look at him. Or think of him.

"Too bad. I told Ginger-"

"Therron! Please don't bring her here today," I plead. I was calm before he mentioned her. "Effie is enough to deal with." Honestly, I would rather move in with Effie than spend a second with his sister.

"Can you ever let me finish a sentence? I told her Finn was here and she's dying to see him again. You don't have to be around at all. It's easier to meet up here but if you don't want your second _best_ friend around than maybe I'll talk to him. See if he wants to come up to the lake or something. She'd owe for me life if she got to see him in a bathing suit in person." He tucks his hands under his head like he's the greatest mind our of generation.

Ginger, like any woman with a heartbeat, would love to see Finn short of any piece of clothing. But Ginger isn't any woman. She's the opposite of someone Finn should be with. He doesn't need her influence. I'd rather see him fall in love with another Capitol model.

I tell Therron I'll talk to Finn for him. Really I'm going to warn him.

* * *

I had Finn meet me in my room after he helped Effie back to the guest room to freshen up. Her tears had dried up but left streaks of purple along her cheeks. Ever the gentleman, Finn told her their talks meant the world to him.

"I'm not exactly in the mood at the moment... But if you give it five minutes and remove a couple articles of clothing..." His voice trails off as he attempts a smile sitting on the edge of my bed. The smile and playfulness in his eyes fade as quickly as he tried to conjure them up.

Now is not the time for games. Like me, Finn doesn't talk to many people about what his parents went through. He stays even tighter lipped when it concerns his mother. He allows his father's name to be brought up more but can generally control the conversation to focus on their common looks, which people rarely seem to get tired of talking about.

I scoot closer to Finn and join him on the edge. We both sit quietly for a moment. If we talk too soon one of us will start crying. After biting the side of tongue I decide to go first. "He would be proud of you too."

He turns away from but I see the clenching of his jaw. "He would Finn. You're an amazing son. The way you care for your mother. I know I tease you about modeling and I shouldn't. You've done what you needed to do to support your mother and you should be proud of that."

"You despise what I do, if we're being honest here."

"I don't-" I stop myself as he shoots a look at me. "Fine," I relent. "But I'm getting over it. Or at least I'm working on getting over it." He rolls his eyes at and turns back away. "I'll try to work on it," I promise.

I have a lot of work to do if I really want to close the distance I've created between Finn and I over the last few years.

"What's the worst thing you've thought about me?" he says quietly.

I take his hand and wrap both of mine around it. "That no matter how many prep teams I could get to make me over I'll never look half as good as you do when you roll out of bed in the morning... and I have personally seen that so you know what I'm talking about."

He pulls his hand away leaving mine empty. "Honesty Violet. That's all I'm asking for right now."

"Did Effie say something? Because I'm never honest with her."

His lashes flutter against his glossy eyes. "It's just a feeling I've been getting. Thought I'd ask."

I let go of his hands and bring his face towards mine. "Finn Odair. You are my friend. My oldest friend. Your worst quality is that you still put up with me. I know you're going to come to your senses one day but until then you're stuck with me in your life. Unfortunately you're stuck in Twelve at the moment but-" His lips cut me off and I have absolutely no idea what words were going to come out of my mouth next.

He doesn't press his body into mine. Just keeps kissing me. His hands don't touch me or caress me. But his lips manage to hold me. I keep my hands glued to his face as the kisses get deeper and stronger. Just as I forget where in the world we are he pulls away and I fall a bit forward. Friends do not kiss like that. Friends do not do what we've been doing. Friends do not look at each other the way Finn is looking at me. I have officially ruined what was formerly my oldest and dearest friendship.


	7. Chapter 7

Dinner is quiet. I can see Effie's mouth moving but I have no concept of what she's saying. The voices inside my head are drowning her out.

Telling me how stupid and horrible I am. How I should have just left what happened with Finn like I did. He was about to speak and say what I was sure I didn't want to hear. I interrupted him and said _Ears, Finn. _Reminding me about no one hearing us. It was really my ears I was protecting. I don't even realize my plate is cleared of food until my mother brings up the topic of dessert.

Effie tests my father's patience by requesting cupcakes. There are some at the bakery but my father's leg has reached it's limit of walking today. He needs to rest and my mother insists the pudding he prepared will be sufficient for the night.

When Effie purses her lips, just showing the tip of her annoyance, Finn decides to intervene yet again. "If you give me the key Mr. Mellark I'll run down and pick up whatever Effie wants." He winks at Effie and she beams at him with adoration. Maybe he's in love with her. Maybe I was wrong.

"Violet could help me find the freshest ones," he adds quickly. "You don't mind helping me, do you?"

_I mind spending another second alone with you_ I think. Although burying myself in cupcakes might be the only course of action left for me. "Would you prefer the ones with the flowers or sprinkles?"

The cameras follow us until we reach the bakery so other than polite smiles nothing is exchanged between Finn and I.

Once the door dings closed, Finn strides past the display case and into the kitchen. I consider packing up Effie's order and leaving him to figure out nothing is going to happen with us. It would be the weak person's way out.

I have six cupcakes packed up before he finally calls for me.

Finn's waiting on the other side of the kitchen door, arms folded against the counter. "I'm trying to be considerate here..."

"Of what?" It surely isn't our promise. Or our friendship. Or my feelings.

"Of the consequences. Once people find out-"

I practically slam the cupcakes down on the counter. "No one is going to find out! Wasn't that the point? We can trust each other... We were going to stay friends... Not fall in-"

Neither of us finishes the sentence. "You felt it too then?" A bird's wings depends on the wind to help it fly. Finn is raising his arms to prepare to take flight. My answer will guide him to the sky or banish him to the ground.

"It wasn't real, Finn. Nothing we did was real." He must know this. Every single time we pretended... I pretended.

"You're pretending!. You spent so much time protecting yourself... You don't have to anymore. I care about you, Violet. My feelings for you are real. This..." A fist forms on his chest. "Is real."

Every word he says feels like he's twisting a knife into our friendship. All those years are being sliced away, picked apart, discarded, forgotten. The only memory we'll both ever have of our friendship will be this moment. When he tried to declare his love for me and I turned my back on him.

"There is one thing we forget to clarify..."

"What?"

"That we won't hate each other. We'll forgive each other... You forgive me, don't you, Finn?" My voice is so fragile it could shatter into tears at any moment.

"I could never..." Finn pauses and withdraw into himself. "The kiss was real. I know it was."

I apologize. He tells me he loves me. I apologize over and over until we're just hugging. Both afraid to let go of something we're both so sure of. Me, the friendship I thought would last until the day we died. Him, a love he thought to be true.

We separate when we hear the intruding voice demanding to know what Finn's done to me. I probably didn't hear him come in because of the sobbing.

"I'm handling it, Therron. It would be much easier if you just let us be," Finn says.

Therron studies us both and makes his decision. "Violet..." He offers me his hand, a chance to run...

Finn hits it away before I can sort through what I should do. "You can't be serious. She's in tears. What do you think will happen the moment she steps outside those doors with those vultures around?

"Then you leave," Therron says, staring Finn down as though he were a mountain lion.

Finn doesn't even flinch. "If you care about her, Therron, you'll make the right choice.

"I do care for her, Finn. Which is why I'm staying," he says making his stance clear.

Finn turns to me. "Do you want him here for this? Because I'll keep saying what I have to say no matter."

Like I haven't had enough thrown at me today. Having Therron bear witness to this disaster will only make it that much worse. Maybe once Finn gets this out of his system it will be over. I just want for this day to be over. "I'm fine, Therron. Finn and I are just... coming to an understanding."

"No. I am not going to let him manipulate you like this. He's a fake, Violet. You've said it yourself. He's using you and you're letting him."

Finn barricades himself between Therron and I, his back to him. "I can't pretend anymore, Violet. And I don't want you to either. I know you don't approve of my work and if that's what it takes to get you to admit how you feel... then I'm done. I won't take a single picture unless it's with you. I love you, Violet Mellark and I want to be with you... just you."

There it is. He's willing to put his career on the line. And for what? A kiss that he thinks meant something. Or it might be for the intimacy we've been sharing lately. He's confused. I can't let him ruin everything he's worked for for a mistake we made.

A low voice overtakes mine. "That's all you can offer her? You'll stop selling your soul to the camera?"

"Do me a favor and shut up, Hawthorne." Finn's trying to hold his gaze on me while containing his resentment for Therron's questioning.

With a push from behind, Finn stumbles a bit. It's enough of an insult he turns towards the culprit. "You don't love her... You don't know her anymore... I'm the one that's been there for her. I'm the one that cares for her. I'm the one that loves her!" Therron voice rises with every sentence. Breaking my heart the louder he gets.

Finn laughs incredulously. "We don't need this right now, Therron. Just leave and-"

The next sound is familiar to me. I've heard in the woods. Sometimes it's just a stick someone accidentally steps on. Sometimes it's a necessary part of hunting Either way the cracking of a bone is not a pleasant sound.

* * *

Finn wouldn't let me touch him. I wouldn't let Therron touch me. But none us would leave without the others. Finn decided he couldn't prevent the inevitable any longer, stuck a cloth on his face and walked out of the bakery, putting a comical spin on how he got the better side of the door in his face for the cameras. And how he's looking forward to finally having a reason for cosmetic surgery.

We parted as soon as we reached the Village. Therron escorted Finn right up to my father's house and with eyes on them Finn had to hold his tongue. I made into my house before Therron caught up to me. I had hoped we took so long everyone went to bed so I didn't have to be the messenger of bad news. Not only did Therron break Finn's nose but we forgot the cupcakes.

No such luck.

My mother rescued me only after I mentioned Finn and father took care of Effie. We are making her trip out here less than memorable. Tomorrow is going to have to go off without a hitch if we hope to get a thank you card from her.

As late as the night was turning out to be, father relented and told Effie he would make her a batch of cupcakes just for her. Rowan would assist him with the cupcakes and as a bonus, keep Effie's comments age appropriate about my obvious lack of hostess qualities. The fact that Finn is probably humped over the sink washing blood from his nose isn't even on her radar.

It is on my mother's however. "The door hit him?" She trying to make sense of what happened so she can call Annie herself and explain. So I must get the third degree while she grills me on my bed.

"Yes, Therron opened it and Finn was standing there."

"Why were you in the kitchen?"

"Just talking. The cameras were outside the windows." No harm in wanting a little privacy.

"Why was Therron there?" That... is a good question. I didn't invite him to be there or bring our friendship to a grinding halt.

"Guess he saw the cameras. It's not hard to figure out who they were following." Finn gets attention like that everywhere he goes.

She furrows her brow. "That poor boy. As if life hasn't been hard enough on him. Now he has to sport a broken nose." I think he's broken heart might be worse. "Did you help him into the house? Make sure the bleeding stopped?"

I shake my head. He couldn't get away from me fast enough.

And here comes the disapproving look. The only thing my mother has ever expected of me is to be a good person. I could fail school and have no passion for anything but I must do the right thing when life calls for it. Instead of offering her a very reasonable argument for why I shouldn't be around Finn right now, I let her send me over to the house to check on him.


	8. Chapter 8

I tiptoe into my father's house as if it were layered with thorns. The only lights on lead me to the bathroom upstairs where I can hear running water. I hold the air tight in my lungs as I peer around the corner.

Finn's wringing out his maroon shirt into the sink. His nose looks swollen but the bleeding seems to have stopped. Must have used his shirt to soak up the blood. Smart. It was nearly the same color. And none of the towels will have to be thrown out because of blood stains. Very considerate of him.

My heart catches in my throat when he jolts back from the sink. "For the love of... could you let me know when you're hiding in the shadows next time? I'm a little on edge after being punched by your boyfriend." He turns off the water and rinses out his shirt again.

"I was just... my mother wanted to make sure you were okay." My voice feels tiny and small, exactly how I feel inside.

He brushes a finger over his tender nose while he studies his new face in the mirror. "You can tell her the truth. That the worst part of my day wasn't having a bonding moment with Therron. Or are we going to pretend like nothing ever happened?" He sets his eyes on me and I cast mine downward like an involuntary reflex.

"I'm sorry-"

"If I hear you say that one more time, Violet... just stop, please. I'm only going to ask one thing of you right now. No pretending. No lying. No apologizing. I want an answer." I curl my arms around me in an effort to hold myself together. This may very well be the last answer I give to Finn.

I gaze up at him through my eyelashes. He looks more than beaten down by a single punch. "Do you hate me?"

Hate? Him? Myself maybe. "Of course not, Finn. Your my fr-"

"Friend, I know!" He groans. "Then what have I done wrong? Why won't you admit you love me too?"

"I do love you, as a... " I catch myself from rubbing salt in the wound. "I do. Just not the same way," I say. But it's not helping. This boat is sinking.

"I don't understand... why? The first time... was incredible, Violet. I can not get a single moment of that night out of my head. You and me... us... we fit. Every time... I thought you were holding back because you thought I wouldn't return your feelings. But that's not it is it? You meant it when you said we made a mistake. It was just a moment of weakness that we need to forget about." He pauses. Replaying the conversations I thought were the hardest ones we'd ever have. But it's only for a moment.

"It might have been for you... but it meant- it means something to me. You mean something to me. I won't hurt you, Violet. I'd kill myself before I hurt you. Don't you trust me?"

Trust. That word is like poison to me now. I trusted Therron to stand by me as a friend and now I have no idea we stand. I trusted myself not to hurt Finn and now I've caused him more than enough pain. My mother trusted me to be a good person. And I've crushed all hope of saving a thread of decency for myself after everything I've done. Finn betrayed my trust as well. Before I even knew it.

"You lied to me." I'm not the only one who has to defend themselves. "You felt something that first night. You swore to me... that night... on the train... in my parents' home... you lied, Finn. Not me."

After what seems like forever he finally turns his eyes away from me. My words ring as true as his. "So if I were honest that first night, you would have been more open to the idea of us?"

Obviously not. As soon as we finished I panicked. "No."

He slumps down onto the tub, drained of emotion. "This was all for nothing then. I can't have you. You don't want me. That's that."

"We can still be friends," I say feebly trying to clasp onto something that has as much weight as a cloud.

"I'm tired. Tell your mother... I don't even care anymore. Tell her whatever."

I'm the parasite. I've destroyed everything in a matter of days. I don't see how I can even face Therron. The only ending I can see in sight for our friendship is the one I just left broken, irreparable. And there's still a party to get through.

He wasn't my friend, Finn Odair, that first night. It was like he transformed into whatever I asked. He looked where I wanted and poured true emotion into his eyes. I was intrigued by where he could find that look within himself. I spent more time than needed on that sketch because I tried to put as much effort into his eyes as he was. Then when he shifted closer to me to see the finished product I kissed him. Like an involuntary reflex.

He kissed me back, gentle, hard. Never ending. Until the heat was too much to bear. I questioned what we were doing. He gave the perfect answer. _Just feeling this wave out. _His soft hands caressed parts of my body that rolled into him. _Tasting the sweetness._ His lips created sensations I didn't even know were possible. _Becoming one with the ocean. _Once we reached this point the wave of need inside me wanted to pull him deeper and deeper and never let go. I could have let him drown inside the ocean I wanted him so badly.

Then I saw my friend's sea green eyes staring up at me. Smiling as he lay his chin on my stomach. And my mind blew away the dream he created and left me stark naked in reality.

I could never love Finn Odair. He means too much to me. I thought I was doing him a favor by burying our mistake as soon as possible. I didn't want to hurt him. He deserves more. Hopefully he realizes that now. All it cost was our friendship but at least he'll be free of me.

* * *

A gentle finger pushing away a strand of hair is what wakes me. "Morning." It's a low voice.

My first thought is that it's Finn. Come for another round of arguing. Then my eyes adjust and I can see clearly it's the second last person I want to see.

"How did you get in here?"

Therron smiles innocently. "Your father let me in. I don't need to sneak around to see you." He may have meant it as a joke. Or using that fact to pit me further against the idea of Finn and I. But it has the opposite effect.

I pull my blanket over me and roll away from him. "I'm not ready to see anyone right now."

The bed dips as he gets comfortable beside me, not taking the hint. "I made up with Finn if that helps. He's accepted the fact that last night was a mistake. And he accepted my apology. The gall of that guy. He's just like you said. No is a brand new concept to him. My fist taught him a lesson though. He won't be taking advantage of you again."

He sounds so... proud of himself. Meanwhile, bile is rising in my stomach. And I haven't even begun to clean up the mess between Therron and I.

"This isn't one of those panic attacks is it? Silence isn't a symptom? Oh! Hey, you can forget what I said too. I'm not secretly in love with you like that superficial ass-" I whip my head out of my blanket cocoon and stare wide-eyed at Therron.

"You didn't actually think... Violet, you're like a sister to me. You're just as emotionally unstable as Ginger but I'm beginning to wonder if she's got her head screwed on better than you." I'll take that as a compliment. Today. He can call me whatever he likes as long as he throws in _like a sister._

"So you said... that... because you were trying to help me?"

"Um, yea? Finn was coming on a little too strong for my liking. Proclaiming his love for you when he's barely spent any time with you in years. And then, what, four days together and he's in love with you?"

"Three," I correct him. A little too quickly. Therron starts to focus accusing eyes on me.

"What happened anyway to make him think... Violet, did he kiss you?" Now his grey eyes are as wide as plates.

I was waiting for the right moment to confess my sin to Therron. Not like it's going to get any easier the longer I put it off. "Yes... and-"

He smacks the bed in disbelief. "Bastard! You didn't kiss him back though, right? Because I need to know if I owe him more than an apology or another meeting with my fist. Violet...?"

The events of the past few days are unleashed from the vault in my head. I kissed him first. We did a lot more than kiss. More than once. But he broke our promise first. I know it was all a mistake and I'll take my share of the blame.

Therron holds his pale face by his fingertips as the truth is finally out there. "I think... I have to give Finn my first born if I'm going to make this right."

"Therron!" I thought you were on my side?"

"Do not even start with me, Violet Mellark. You sleep with a man you've been friends with for years on the basis of pretending he's someone else and then are shocked when he falls for you. I mean I wouldn't have but still... maybe you owe him your first born. You should probably marry him first."

"Aargh. You are no help!" I retreat back under my covers and into my mind. Therron proceeds to lecture me but I successfully have him tuned out. Eventually he gives up and leaves me to wallow in my own self pity.


	9. Chapter 9

The morning is turning out to be longer than the night. I'm in the guest room holding up the millionth dress that Effie is waiting to try on. Time spent with Effie means relief from Therron and Finn. So I plan on staying by her side for as long as she's in 12.

She's stopped asking me what I think as the dresses have all blurred together so any response from me holds no weight.

"Goodness me! You need to get dressed as well, Violet. Off you go," she says after she's decided on one of the first dresses we dug out.

"What about Haymitch? He was planning on showing up with nothing and I don't want him to ruin-"

"I'll take of that man," she snaps. "He's going to wear what I've picked out and he's going to like it and be grateful he has people in his life that care enough about him." I should have taken a piece of that advice. A week ago my life was fine. Normal. Steady. Now I barely know which way is up.

My father knocks at my door after I've spent as much time adjusting my dress and hair as Effie did helping me find something fashionable. As long as I can pass for not looking foolish my braided hair and white dress will keep me in Effie's good books.

"I don't even have the words..." A wide grin spreads across my father's face as he takes me in. "Not sure what Effie's done with my little girl but you do have a strong resemblance."

"Daddy..." I warn him from getting too mushy. "Can we just get this day over with?"

He chuckles. "You sound just like a certain old man."

I feel more connected to Haymitch than ever before. We're sitting side by side in our get-ups not quite out of place but surely not as elegant as the rest of the guests. The night lights around the garden party illuminate the dresses and suits in true Capitol fashion. I definitely win the award for simplest outfit. Haymitch could get second. His tuxedo is lined with gems that sparkle like the stars on a cloudless sky. Even my parents are glamorous in their historic outfits created especially for them from former interviews.

"Cold, sweetheart?" Haymitch nudges me in the shoulder. I unclasp my arms and shake my head. Not on the outside. Just the inside.

"Do you ever wish you do a day over again?"

Haymitch takes another sip of... I think it's his fifth drink. "That's what this is for. At least helps you forget the days you don't want to remember." He shoves his glass my way. "The way you handle liquor your night could be over at the bottom of one glass."

Tempting. But no. I need to have all my faculties in check. I may take him up on his offer once Finn is on a train though. Lectures from Therron about drinking too much are preferable than any other as well.

My bottom being planted on a seat seems to be of great annoyance to Effie. She didn't find me the perfect dress to have it wasted on Haymitch. So she says. Instead I must be presented like her trophy in front of random guests and the cameras which all move with me as I'm presented from person to person. I smile. I answer the same questions with as few words as possible and move on.

I breath a sigh of relief as the cameras finally sway away from me. Until I see their new target. I'll always be second to Finn Odair.

I try to start a actual conversation with the woman who just asked me about my future plans. She's short and I'm pretty sure there might be a dead bird in her hair. "So how do you know Haymitch?"

"Haymitch? Oh, well I've known Effie for years. Practically sisters. And when I heard she needed to fill spots at the tables for him I jumped at the chance. You don't get to meet Victors in the Capitol very often." Or Victor's children. That answer seems about as much as should have expected. I thank her for coming and turn to see who my next awkward conversation will be with.

"One of is going to have to change." The twinkle in his eyes is overshadowed by the surrounding bruising. "Unless I play the pity card with Effie so she'll have to deal with both of us wearing white."

Finn's suit is not completely white like my dress. It shimmers as if he walked under a golden rain and it left gold dust everywhere. Not to mention he's only wearing an open jacket and pants, showing off his most attention grabbing assets.

Averting my gaze from anything below his neckline is my second top priority. First being to see what mind frame he's in. "Mine's actually champagne. So nothing needs to change."

He takes in a light breath as he surveys the crowd watching us. Mostly him. "You sure about that? Cause right now people are commenting on your pretty face more than mine. I'm feeling a little self conscious about that."

"Does it still hurt?" I ask, and immediately regret it. I meant to only to refer to his nose but he could interpret it differently.

"Nah. Your mother sent a doctor over this morning to give me his opinion on how broken it is. Bad news was it's very broken. Good news, I have an appointment set up with our doctor in Four as soon as I get back." He sounds upbeat about it. It must look worse than it feels. "Therron here?"

"He's in hiding. From Effie," I say quickly. "He told me he apologized..."

"Yea, yea. He's a good guy. Came clean straight away about how you were just friends and you seemed to be in need of protection and his instinct just kicked in. Stronger than he looks. Now if it was a posing contest you know I would have taken him down," he teases.

I conjure up a smile even though I don't feeling like smiling.

"Sorry. We're going to have to laugh about the time I fell in love you one day. A story to tell the kids. Not ours, of course. Unless you've come to your senses..."

"Finn," I say through strained teeth.

"Just putting it out there. For fun. Can we..." He leans in close enough I can still make out his Capitol cologne. He just can't stop with that stuff. "If we dance I think our talk will be a little more private." He's being considerate again. No chance of me being anywhere out of public sight with him.

I agree and let him lead me to the dance area where several other couples are gathered. He keeps a respectable distance away, holding my one hand with his and placing the other on my waist. Still closer than I feel I should be allowed.

He smiles at me a few times, working up the courage to say what he wants to say. Until he finally dives in. "I didn't mean for this to happen either. I've always thought of you as my closest friend. Which is partly why I didn't think it odd that could be something more. But if you aren't there I can't force it. I won't. I'll wait," he says, putting as much pressure on as I felt the first time I knew it meant more to him.

I don't want this kind of control over him. He deserves more. "Please don't. If I mean anything at all to you, you won't waste another second on this, Finn."

He slows our dance to a near standstill and pulls me closer. "I'm going to wait. There are only two ways out of this. Either you'll come knocking on my door, roses in hand or I'll call you with news that I've met someone and you're off the hook. I think you know which one is more likely." I would like to have that same look of hope that shines back at me from his sea green eyes.

I rest my head on his shoulder. At least he's given some thought to another possibility. "You forgot one. I could meet someone."

We both arch an eyebrow at each other. Like that will happen any time soon.

I position myself back on his shoulder. "I'll be waiting for that phone call, Odair. And then I'll bring flowers to congratulate you."

He turns his head and smiles into my hair. "Forget the roses. Bring a bouquet of honeysuckles. They're my new favorite."

The rest of the night goes off just as Effie planned. Sparkling candles were added to the cake instead of fireworks and all the guests still oohed and aahed over it. Haymitch was intoxicated enough he joined in with his birthday song and happily ate the first piece of cake. Lucky. Probably won't even remember how hard everyone laughed at Effie's well crafted speech at his expense.

I walk Finn to the train station after we change to see him off. Like a good friend. When he leans in to kiss me he smirks and raises his chin to give me a kiss on the forehead. I wait for the relief to set in when he boards the train. Then when his face fades from the window. I wait for it all night. Because when it does I'll finally know we can both move on.


	10. Chapter 10

It's been one week. And I've managed so far. Until today. Sanity. Relief. My mind. All are no where in sight. I've searched high and low. Under my bed, my pillow. In my closet. In each and every drawer in my room. And yet I can't find a trace of it.

I run down the stairs to find my last option. She's reading a book on the sofa.

"Mom, have you seen my sketches?"

She looks at me surprised that I would ask such a question of the one who champions me the most. "Of course, dear. Do you want me to see them again?"

"No, but I can't find the ones..." One. "From Four. I was going to put them together in a portfolio." After I stare, studyand let certain emotions come rushing back.

My mother closes the book and smiles warmly at me. "Those were some of your best work, Violet. Especially that one of Finnick." Yes! That's the one.

"So you have them?"

"I was going to tell you, I sent it to Annie. You always say landscapes are your theme. And it was the only one you've ever done of a person. It made tears come to my eyes. I had no idea you had such talent... It was like you were at their wedding to be honest. Best day of his life. YOu don't mind do you? I know Annie will treasure it. You truly have a gift, Violet. You captured exactly how he looked at Annie from the moment I saw them together."

The only words that really register are _I sent it_. One of the last pieces of my... mistake with Finn is gone. I should be happy. That picture held me hostage in that moment where it was like he saw me for the first time in a way I never thought possible. My mind comes to a screeching halt as I process the rest of her words. She sent it to Annie because she thought it was Finnick. Not Finn. Because of how he looked at her. His true love. A love my mother used to tell me she was jealous of because of how certain they were.

Now I'm jealous. That Annie has my picture. Of the eyes I was certain shouldn't be in love with me. But it's becoming clearer to me that I want him to be. No matter how undeserving I am. _No _I tell myself. I've fought this feeling before. I'll just have to do it again.

* * *

I lost the battle before my head even hits the pillow that night. Instead of accepting the end of what should have never been I've spent every day of the last week trying to recreate the sketch. And wasted about a thousand papers. Before anyone else can see my pathetic replications I toss each unfinished paper into the fireplace.

I'm on my fifth trip to the living area today and it's not even noon.

My mother catches me at the bottom of the stairs before I can suffer through another attempt. "Violet, I'm amazed at your focus on your work this past week but, honey, you need to take a break. Eat. Get some fresh air. Do something outside of your room." The worried crease in her forehead is quite evident. "Call Therron. Better yet go find him. He misses you."

"Did he tell you that?" I ask her harsher than I mean to. But it's too late to soften my voice now.

She takes it how it sounded. "No. But it doesn't take a genius to tell you haven't been yourself lately. Flying up and down the stairs, destroying sketch after sketch, barely uttering a word to me or your father. You and Therron have barely been apart a day since you were young. When's the last time you even spoke to him?"

I wait for her to go on but the pause is so long I realize I'm supposed to answer. "Um... a couple of days ago?"

"Oh really? Did you sneak out of your room to see him? Because we both know he hasn't been here and you haven't seen the sunshine once this week." Details, details. What's a couple of days between friends? If he was really wanting to talk he would come over. If I was really wanting to hear a second opinion on how twisted and mangled my mind has become I'll be sure to track him down. "Maybe I should forbid you from drawing anymore today. I couldn't stop you from running around outside in your bare feet as a child. Do I really have to ground my adult daughter from her room?"

I groan and moan but give in to my mother's well-meaning demand. Her only condition is that I stay out for at least an hour. Once she sees the direction I'm headed she adds that I can't hole myself up in Haymitch's house either. I kick my feet up and turn towards the meadow instead.

Some children are playing tag in the long grass so I take a place near a bush out of sight. I watch how carefree and happy they are. How I wish I could will myself back to that age. Until I start imagining who would be chasing me in the meadow. Finn hasn't called me either. Not a message via my parents. Not even a letter to let me know what project he'll be posing for next or how his nose has healed. Out of sight, out of mind. That's the approach I should be taking as well. Not searching for ways to keep that first night in the forefront of my memory. Someone else will come along. They won't be Finn Odair. Nobody is. Which is a good thing. His whole persona that Panem expects from him is too much for me to handle. His work requires him to travel back and forth to the Capitol so much it would make more sense for him to live there permanently. But he would never leave Four. His whole world is there. By whole world I mean his mother. I don't know who depends on other more sometimes. It would take a selfless person to truly deserve Finn's love. And that is not me.

I'm a little more relaxed when I walk home. I didn't run into Therron and I've decided to sketch the meadow tomorrow. Not that I couldn't draw that image with my eyes closed. This time will be different. I will find an out of sight spot again and sketch the next group of children and their carefree games.

I call for my mother to thank her for being my parent as soon as I enter the door. She answers me from the kitchen so I trample down the hall stopping just at the doorway when I see that familiar maroon shirt.

The sight of her blazing a smile at Finn paralyzes me as soon as our eyes meet. "Just in time. Finn's stopped by again. And so soon this time. You have something important you wanted to tell us, Finn? Should I get Peeta and Ash?" _Why not gather the entire District? Broadcast it live on television _I think reverting back into myself.

He looks... even better looking than before his nose was broken. If that's even possible. Maybe not seeing him in person or on paper made me forget how green his eyes were. How wavy his hair was. How warm his smile was. Or maybe I fell along the way home and hit my head causing me to hallucinate this whole scene.

"If you like. I was hoping to discuss it alone with Violet first. It kind of concerns her," he says not even bothering to look in my mother's direction.

My mother is not always the most observant person when it comes to human connections. But I can't seem to break away from Finn's gaze. Or make the blood retreat from my cheeks as his stare becomes more determined. Even she is realizing now that something has changed between us. While I'm certain she's having second thoughts about leaving me alone with Finn she agrees to call my father home from the bakery and collect Ash from his friend's house.

"How are you doing?" Nice ice breaker, Odair. I'm not falling for it.

"You brought flowers," I say gesturing towards the bouquet on the table.

He smiles wryly. "Do you recognize them? They're honeysuckle."

"So you met someone?" I ask without much hope.

"As a matter of fact... yes." That's odd. The feeling that one word just caused inside me. It's what I wanted to hear. But that sharp pain came out of nowhere. "I suppose you can guess that's why I'm here." That wasn't my first thought but it should have been. We said once he met someone or when I changed my mind. Well, the clarity I had a few minutes ago has been blown out of the water so there's been no change in my mind.

"I'm happy for you." The words come out a bit mangled but I try to mean them. "Is she-"

Finn finishes my sentence for me. "Here?" I nod. And so does he. _It's a good_ thing I remind myself. So why do I feel like crying? Oh, right. It's only been two weeks since he declared his love for me. But only twenty minutes since I reinforced that I don't deserve him and never will. Thoughts still fresh enough to leave wounds.

"You look suspicisous, Mellark. It's not like I've paid someone off to pretend to be in love with me. Though that is a strong possibility considering how repulsive I am."

"In every way imaginable," I laugh suppressing my true feelings. That I wish he was pretending again and there was no one else. No probelm. I'll just numb these feelings later with my new best friend, Haymitch.

Finn looks so calm, sure, unaffected by how his new girlfriend will affect me. _He's just doing what you told him to do _I scold myself. "So where is she?" I ask. I'd rather get this over with now so I can spend the rest of the day... or week in a drunken oblivion.

He starts to answer just as my mother arrives back with my brother and informs us my father is on his way as well. "Finn met someone," I say before he has a chance to break the news himself. Somehow I thought saying it aloud would make it truer for me.

"Oh," she says. That's it? Ash is giving Finn a high five and all she has to say is _oh._ Not how happy she is for him. How badly she wants to meet this person. My response seems to be more enthusiastic than hers.

I'm not going to let her get away with making this feel worse than it should be. "And she's here. I for one know I can't wait to meet her. Maybe warn her of the mistake she's making..." _Poor choice of words, Mellark! _I scream loudly at myself. "Just kidding... Let's, uh, meet this lucky lady, shall we?"

All eyes are on Finn as he smiles, just at the thought of her. "Before we do that I wanted to get your opinion on something first." He turns to me. There's more he needs to talk about? There's nothing left I need to know. His conscious should be clear if that's what he's worried about.

"I'm sure she's amazing, Finn. I might have to check her eyesight to make sure she's knows exactly who she has to wake up to every morning-"

"We both know that's not a pretty sight, don't we Violet?" He says sharply. Instantly I feel myself redden from the tips of my toes to my nose. Here I am trying my best to put on a strong face, okay, maybe slightly taunting him, but nothing we don't usually do and he's referring back to the... mistake... in front of my mother who's absorbing each word like a sponge in water.

"Ash, go see how close your father is. Then tell him the good news when you see him. We don't want to carry secrets on too long." My mother sends my brother off to deliver the message. Then sighs deeply into the tense air that has collecting between all of us.

"Finn. Violet. When did you sleep together?"


	11. Chapter 11

In moments of great stress I've found it helpful to focus on one thing. Right now there's a tiny black spot on the white-painted wall that is the only thing I'm willing to look at. I don't even remember the color of Finn's eyes any more. My brain has reverted to a numb state since my mother accused Finn and I of sleeping together. No matter how right she was I was in no state of mind to confirm nor deny it.

I've been studying the spot for the last twenty minutes. A way to bide my time since I've been grounded to the waiting room of the hospital. I've come to two conclusions. It's not an insect, desperately attempting to avoid detecting by invoking it's ability to create a statue of itself. And I would trade lives with it in a heartbeat. That spot has everything I don't right now. No one has any expectations of it. No one cares if it comes or goes. It's never harmed a living soul. My count stands at two for physical injuries.

As soon as my father heard the 'news' and hit the floor, my mother sent my brother to Haymitch's and had Finn rush him to the hospital. So, in short, this day is the lowest of all my days. I clamped my mouth shut after her accusation and her voice grew so angry I'm sure the entire District heard the highlights of our discretion. _How could you do this? You've thrown away your friendship! You've taken something away from her that she'll never get back! She's just a child! She's not a child, she's the woman I love!_

That last one was Finn. Saying it as clear as day just as my father threw open the door to congratulate Finn. Then my mother laid the final blow repeating what neither of us was denying to be true. I'd never seen the life drain out of a human before. Though it might have been similar to my face every time Finn told me he loved me.

My father regained consciousness not long after we arrived at the hospital but so far my mother hasn't agreed to have myself or Finn leave the confines of the waiting room.

"He's going to be fine," Finn whispers from his chair seated beside me.

I refocus on a new spot on the floor. I have no doubts he'll be given the best possible treatment. Probably rising from the hospital bed stronger than ever. I'm just not sure who he'll be more angry with. His only daughter who he would give his life for who has apparently let herself been taken advantage of or Finn for taken away the innocence my father thought I had. One of us better be prepared to run.

"There is no one else, just in case you were still thinking..."

My mind wasn't completely numb to the notion that Finn was just playing with me. The flowers were for me. He came back for me. Things just didn't go as planned. For once Finn Odair didn't get his way. He's no closer to convincing me we're meant to be than I am to convincing him to stay as far away from me as possible.

"I'm not leaving either. I've canceled my entire schedule... I haven't put my house up for sale yet but I expect it will sell quickly."

What is he thinking? Is this his way of showing me he's ready for commitment by moving to a District for a girl who has never once asked him to? He's going to be homeless and broke if he continues this destructive path I've unintentionally set him on.

He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "How long is this silent treatment going to last?"

Until my mother tells me everything is fine and is going to back to the way it was. Until the end of time. Whatever comes first.

After few more minutes of pouting, Finn leaves to find something to drink. And I breathe for the first time. It's crystal clear to me why Finn and I are the worst possible match. Every moment we spend together makes our lives and the lives around us more and more miserable. I don't know how much more he can give up but it has to be only a matter of time before he realizes he's better off without me.

Doctor Ryan, an older woman with sharp eyes, finds me before Finn arrives back. "Violet?" She smiles as she asks for me. "Your father is ready to see you." But am I ready to see him?

I'm surprised when the only occupant in the room is my father. I've seen my mother dote for days over my father after a tiny burn from working at the bakery. I take a seat next to the bed shifting my eyes from him to the tubes feeding into his arms. My father looks like he's just waken up from nap. A little more concern is set in his brow but he is going to be fine. "So who's going to go first?" Is never an option?

I squeeze the life out of hands. "It's not what you think-"

He half coughs and half laughs. "What I think? I've been laying in this bed convincing your mother she can't have Finn arrested because you are in fact an adult and have been making adult choices. What I think or what your mother thinks is irrelevant. This is your life, baby. And you have a boy out there that loves you. Now do you love him? That's all that really needs to be cleared up here."

Why do men think things are so simple? On a positive note, no one needs to die today. Finn may be going to jail if my mother is where I think she is and calling the right people. At least homelessness wouldn't be a factor then.

"You're not mad?"

He untangles my hands and wraps them in his. "Cupcake, there is nothing you could do to ever make me 's a wonderful man. I was shocked and hearing someone's in love with my daughter when I had no clue caught me off guard... Basically you have some explaining to do, like how this all started and how long this has been going on, I mean you two have barely spent two seconds together until..." His eyes widen just a little. "Oh... well, sometimes these things happen before we know we are ready for them. Before certain people we love are ready for them. I mean your mother." He smiles. "She's making herself sick thinking back to the last couple of weeks. Going over in her mind how detached and moody you've been. She's convinced you've fallen for Finn and he's betrayed your trust and innocence and... well, I think you get the picture. Any truth to that?"

I want to say it all... but I hold myself back... again. "It's more of the other way around. Oddly enough. He thinks he loves me Daddy, but I've told him-"

"Violet Mellark, you are a worse liar than your mother, if that's possible," he grumbles with disappointment.

I open my mouth to defend myself but nothing comes out.

"Even your mother can't deny deep down she knows. And now all you have to do it is say the truth. Say it, Violet. Before I pass out again."

I don't say the words he thinks I'm going to say. Instead I unleash the growing list inside my head for why Finn and I aren't perfect together. Then he sends me off to deal with it like an adult.

* * *

Finn rushes to me from the crowd of touchy women that have gathered around him in the waiting room. I tell him I'm ready to talk and he follows me to an empty room nearby.

"He's good?" he asks.

"Perfect," I say quickly. I convinced my father so my same speech should do the same to cut Finn out of my life for good.

"I'm sorry I... just all of today, I'm sorry Violet. I could have, should have done it differently. I wanted you to feel just for a second that you had competition, it was stupid of me. It's always been you, Violet." Finn moves in to be closer to me and I let him. These are the last moments we'll be spending together.

"Will you do me a favor, Finn?"

"Anything," he says brightly.

"Call your people and beg them to take you back."

"Violet," he groans knowing where this conversation is heading.

"Or just take your shirt off. I'm sure they'll come crawling back to you," I snap. Calm down, Violet. Why can't I be nice to him for once?

"Does the same apply to you?" He asks arching one eyebrow, teasingly placing one hand on his top button.

I take him in one last time. Young, vibrant, handsome, hopeful, vulnerable. Someone else will see this. He will let someone else see this.

I try to start but looking at him is too much. I cover the space between us and hold him for strength. He responds by holding me back just as tightly.

"I do love you, Finn. You are the most amazing person... but you know that. And you know how much Panem depends on you, you give them hope... everyday. They need you-"

He tries to pull me off as he asks, "What about what I need?" I firm my arms around his neck even more.

"What about what you deserve? You deserve someone who can walk alongside you, not have you throw your life away. Someone who's just as strong and determined as you are. All we have in common is our past. Our future will be... I won't make you happy, Finn." I have to let go. It's not fair to him. We both allow our arms to fall as I pull away.

"You think I'm too much for you?"

"No! I'm not enough for you! I'm not ready for what you need or deserve. I never will be..."

I've gotten pretty good at crushing Finn to the ground. He's gotten pretty good at brushing himself off and rising up again. Which is why I must fight even harder this time.

"I can't even look at you when we... I have to put you out of my mind. You shouldn't be with someone who can't love everything about you. It wouldn't be right."

"No... I suppose it's wouldn't be," he says with his soft voice agreeing with me. Then his eyes flash to mine and before I know it he's undressing himself.

"What are you doing?" I screech. Now I've really done it. I've broken the mind of Finn Odair.

"Stripping, duh." His shirt is already in a pile on the floor and his pants are about to join them.

"Why?"

"I'm stripping myself of this idiotic complex you and everyone else seems to have of me. Perfect Finn Odair. Bringing hope to all corners of Panem. I'm tired of all these ideas and expectations. I'm going to live my life the way I want to. And I'm going to start all over by leaving this room the way I came into this world. A fresh start in this mad world." He finishes by tossing his underwear aside leaving me with no doubt I need to find medical help before he sets a foot towards that door.

"You don't mean that-"

"Like hell I don't. You don't want me as I am, fine. I can change that. Give me a few months to find the new me and I'll be the man you want. I'll live in the woods and I'll be the last person Panem goes to when they're looking for a symbol of rebirth." Or they'll just think he's snapped and will throw him in a mental facility.

"This is ridiculous, please put your clothes back on." The moment I set foot towards his clothes he takes a step back towards the door. I take one more step... and so does he. "Finn, this isn't funny," I warn him.

"I know. This is serious. I am serious. About you and about what I want. I know why you sent the picture to me, even if you thought it was the last thing connecting me to you."

The picture? "No. No. My mother sent it to your mother. She thought it was your father. I had no part in that. I would have never..."

More questions arise in his eyes. "Why would she think that? I'm far more handsome."

"I don't... I don't know," I say unconvincingly. Hoping he's forgotten how close he is to the door I shift a foot closer to his clothes. He doesn't seem to notice and doesn't move.

"So you weren't trying to cut me out for good? You were going to get on with your life and forget everything that happened? Too bad for you I'm not that strong. That feeling, that night, it came rushing back to me the second I saw it." He narrows his attention on me. "Are you sure your mother sent it? Because there is no way anyone else would mistake me for my father in that picture."

Just a bit closer. I can keep him distracted if I keep talking maybe. "She may have thought it was your father because it reminded her of... something. I think she might need glasses." I manage to inch myself close enough all I'll need to do is bend down to pick them up. Then tackle him somehow and dress him. Simple.

He doesn't think this over long. "What exactly did it remind her of?"

I need him to get closer. I place a foot on his pants and slowly drag them with me as I talk. "She said something about how he looked at her that way. You have a talent for making people feel that way, Finn."

"I seem to be lacking in talent of making you believe that's how I feel, Violet," he says tightly. "I do feel that way about you. And it's not going to end."

I stop dragging his pants as inconspicuously as possible because Finn strong hands are now on my shoulders. I have him almost where I want him. "You seem to have all the answers but there's one future you haven't thought of. The one that plays in my head every time I think of you. You, me, smiling, laughter, the white dress you wore to Haymitch's party because you hate to have to try on a new wedding dress, our parents crying tears of joy, me dragging you out of the party because neither of us can stand you in that dress any longer, our wedding night, every night after, our first child, our fourth child, barely finding the time to hold hands, the kids all grown up, us having more than enough time to ourselves, grandkids, us babysitting until I decide I need some alone time with my wife of fifty years, me holding you, kissing you, sleeping next to you, being with you until my last breath. That's what I see, Violet. You can choose it now or later but it's going to happen."


	12. Chapter 12

His words weigh me down enough that I cannot move, even if I tried. It all sounds wonderful... perfect... in theory. "Please, get dressed Finn and then-"

"Then what? You'll send me away again?" He takes my face and buries his eyes into mine. "I'll find my way back. You know I will."

I take the last bit of strength I have and decide to beg as my last resort. "Please, just... stop."

The only effect that has on Finn is his lips finding mine. "You stop being so stubborn and let me have my future." He kisses me again and again, overpowering me with every touch until I lose the battle... I was never going to win. I've fought my feelings for him for so long I can see now, it's much easier to surrender and admit that I have same desires as him.

We're soon wrapped up in each other in the same position that I've longed for. His bare chest pressing into mine. My hands tangle in his thick hair. He's everywhere I want him to be. I have to accept it. Finn Odair will always be too much for me. His words... body... scent.

The moment where Finn backs me up far enough to lay me on the bed is when I see my chance to confront him on the one flaw he has. I tug his hair back so his lips will release mine. "You have to stop wearing that cologne. I feel dizzy every time I breathe it in."

He rubs his lips against mine. "I'm not wearing any cologne, Violet." His lips make firm contact again when my mouth is left agape at how intoxicating Finn's natural body is to me. Expressing clearly to me that he is never letting go of me. Ever.

My hand snaps to his as it begins an attempt to unbutton my pants. "That thing I said about anyone hearing us is still in effect." We'll have time for more later. Years to do whatever we please, whenever we please if Finn gets his way. Right now we should really be concentrated on getting him clothed.

"Just a taste," he says softly into my mouth. "You have no idea how badly I want to taste you again. It's so much more than want or need. Please."

Am I ever going to deny him anything ever again? I watch as he undoes the single button on my pants and his fingers trickle downward. We both gasp at the same time when he reaches my underwear. "What is this?" Did I say my underwear? I meant his. "So this is where they disappeared to," he says as he runs his fingers along his black underwear that I may have snatched as a souvenir, something to remember the passion I thought we would never share again.

"You seriously have me considering barricading the door and not letting you out of this room until I'm satisfied," Finn growls at me with eyes growing darker by the second.

"You picked me, Finn. Get used to being disappointed," I say teasing him.

A finger finds the spot he's been craving and I bite my lip. "Maybe I should build an underground district so you can finally scream all you like."

Maybe he should. Then I can also find the relief of being with him then he's currently building up inside of me on purpose. _Just a taste._ Liar.

* * *

"We need to get dressed."

Finn lazily opens one eye at me. A smile playing on his lips. "I'm not exactly done with you yet."

I rise from his arms, taking the blanket with me. "You're not the only man in my life." Therron is going to be home shortly and my rule of no one hearing or seeing anything that would indicate what we did last night still stands.

Finn stretches out on the bed as if he has no cares in the world. I'll give him five minutes to relax until I'm done in the washroom and then he'll start caring.

His grumbles follow me through the door. "Well, I'm the only one in your bed right now. For a change."

Nice, Finn. Ruin the end to the only private time we've had in the last six months. Apparently someone isn't trying very hard to convince me we need more alone time. "Do I need to remind you he was your idea?" I shout from the bathroom.

Bare feet make their way to join me in the shower. I turn my back on him even though I am pleased I won't have to drag him out of bed to pretty himself up. "I'm sorry. Last night was just... I didn't realize how much I miss those nights." A pinch of guilt sprouts up as he lightly kisses my shoulder. I've missed them as well. I'm just better at hiding it.

I continue my regime of washing in less than five minutes while he tries to lay more kisses on my shoulder and neck. "I know but we have responsibilities now, Finn." His hands slow me down when he places them on my waist. "We don't have time, my parents are probably on their way." We live on the opposite side of Twelve from my parents for half the year in a comfortable house Finn bought nearly two years ago. Just the right size for our small family. The other half we live in Four so we can divide our time between Annie and my family.

I can't help but lean him into him as his lips touch on that spot he's been aiming for under my ear. "What if I told you I made a deal with them? So we have the entire morning to ourselves..."

I shouldn't be surprised. For one my parents would do anything for Finn. Sure, he had to rebuild some bridges with my mother. But since he's proven to be deeply in love with me day in and day out she's come around again. Who wouldn't want that kind of man for their daughter? Secondly, they would do anything for their first grandchild. Not only has Finn had to take a back seat with me, the entire world is more in love with that child than they ever were with him. Or so he likes to boast every time he takes him out.

Six months ago we became parents. Six months of realizing how fortunate we are. Six months of Therron sleeping between us in our bed. After weeks of Finn hinting at my parents watching him for one night I agreed. And now just as I'm feeling a little lost without my son he informs me he's arranged for us to be apart even longer.

I don't bother to grab a towel before I stomp out of the bathroom. "Violet. Violet Odair, don't even think about picking up that phone," he says sternly.

I whip around to face the selfish man trying to keep me from my son. "I agreed to one night. One night, Finn. You got what you want now I'm getting what I want." I reach for the phone with a dripping wet hand.

"They're not home. Took the little man out for some much needed fresh air."

I don't know if I'm angrier that I can demand for my parents to bring Therron home immediately or that he's implying I don't take my son outside enough. I may be a little overprotective and haven't let a single rain drop to fall on his head or let the cold wind blow a strand of his copper hair out of place but that's what mothers do. "Where are they? The meadow? The woods? The lake? Never mind, I'll find them myself." Just like I have to do everything else myself. Finn doesn't pay for our needs anymore, I do. With a suggestion from Effie I've been well compensated for my latest drawings. Sure, they are all of Finn but they've all come to life from my hand. It's a win-win. The people still get a piece of Finn and I get to make use of my talents.

"He's coming back at noon. And your parents aren't going to be happy with me if they don't get what they want."

I throw a pair of his underwear at him. "What did you promise them?" It's going to be years now before I let them watch Therron. What else could they possible want?

He flashes a crooked smile and dips his head down like he has a delicious secret to tell me. He conjures up the courage to come face to face with my snarling face and kisses me on the forehead. "It's a promise that takes two people to fulfill. And being the overachiever that I am, I think we're going to need to work on it together just a few more times this morning."

He drags me back to the bed before his not so subtle clues lead me to guess. "Since when did I let start letting you and my parents decide my life for me?"

"We all agreed we've never seen you happier then when you were pregnant with Therron. So how about we give it another go? See if your husband can make you glow again.." He places all his weight on me as he envelopes my neck in kisses, hitting every spot that made me weakly agree to having Therron in the first place.

"You're going to have to get a real job. I won't have time for drawing and looking after two kids." I've always been skilled at putting a damper on his high expectations of me.

He nibbles gently on my ear and whispers softly, "Quit being such a grown up and let me do my real job." He pulls one of my legs up and I take over, wrapping both my legs around him, desire coursing through both our bodies.

"I'm still not happy."

"Give me a few minutes to change that."


End file.
